By Dr Margot Sunderland, Illustrated by Nicky Armstrong
Grief is a deeply disturbing emotion to deal with. Loss of a loved one can leave you feeling empty, alone, helplessly frightened and so sick inside that you just want to hide in a deep dark hole and never come out.
A child coming to terms with feelings of loss will be overwhelmed by the emotional rollercoaster of wanting and needing that person, and to then remember that they are no longer there can be too much. Often, as an adult would react, a child will go through varying emotions from terrible emptiness, feelings of guilt and fear of further loss to feelings of anger toward the person who left them (even if they are dead).
It is hard to explain to a young child why they feel they way they do, however Dr Margot Sunderland, Director of The Centre for Child Mental Health in London has created the most endearing and beautifully illustrated metaphorical story of loss to journey through with the child and a guidebook for the adult to help the child gain an understanding of their feelings, gradually coming to terms with their loss....
The storybook is about a sand dragon called Eric who experiences a profoundly deep loss when his love, his everything, the sea goes out and doesn't come back. He feels lost and alone and waits and waits for his beloved sea to return:
Each day, he watches it going out and coming back. His sea is beautiful indeed to him. But one day, the sea goes out and does not come back. Eric waits and waits, but it does not come back. So he falls on the sand in terrible pain. It feels to him as if he has lost everything. After many bleak days, Eric sees a little wild flower. It is dying. Eric knows he must save it. He finds water. More and more flowers appear and so Eric starts to make a beautiful rock pool garden. And as he does, he finds the courage to feel the full pain of his loss, instead of closing his heart. He realises that his memories of his precious sea are like a special kind of treasure in his mind, a treasure he will never lose.
The guidebook explains what loss is like for the child (it is completely different in many ways from that of an adult), how to help a child with feelings of loss and guidance for understanding the feelings and practical ways of enabling children to speak about, and work through, feelings of loss.
Margot created this resource to help children who:
It is amazing how complex loss can be for a child and the many accompanying variables that go with it. Margot has managed to capture all eventualities in a concise and easy to follow guide, along with deeply relevant exercises for you to work through with the child.
Here is an example, from the guidebook, of how simply and pertinently Margot explains the reasons why loss is so painful for a child, in this section; Understanding the psychology of attachment:
Click here for a sample activity - this particular activity will show how loss can affect everything a child knows and understands.
